Family, family, family…. What is there to say about family? What is there not to say?
“Family first”. That’s the motto to live by, right?
Well, sometimes it’s not that easy. With great love, especially coming from your family, there can and will always be struggles that come along with it. Often when we see families struggle to work together they are gifted with an “over abundance” of love, leading to boundary issues and other communication challenges.
I know you probably think you’ve heard it all, but here are 4 rules/guidelines that can help you navigate your relationship with your family.
Family Motto 1: Treat others the way you want to be treated.
This rule is so crucial and probably the most important rule you can utilize not only with your family but throughout life. We call this the golden rule.
Everyone wants to be treated with respect. That is something fairly universal, So although you see your parents or your siblings as just “parents” and “siblings”, you need to remember that they are people too. Just like you and I. Mutual respect is KEY.
There are many Little and simple things you can do to show mutual respect, from the things you do to the way you speak. If you are struggling to communicate in a respectful way in the moment, Write down your feelings because it will help you organize your thoughts so that you can express your feelings without them being misconstrued.
Family Rule 2: Perspective.
The only way to get through any and all struggles within your family is to stand back and try to gain perspective for where your family is coming from. Most likely (hopefully) your family is coming from a good place; they want what’s best for you.
Sure, sometimes you don’t want to hear it. But you just need to keep that in your mind. In life, family tends to be the last ones there for you when all else fails.
For those who are in recovery, or struggle often (as we all do), your family might be weary of your judgment and decision making ability. This is normal. It’s okay. It happens to the best of us, and it’s important to grow from this process.
Family Rule 3: Don’t participate is pettiness or dysfunction
Not very family is ready for change, and more often then not, with clients struggling with addiction and mental health issues, the family system itself can be dysfunctional. However, this doesn’t mean that you need to succumb to the negativity. It’s not healthy for your body nor is it healthy for your mental health.
If you don’t have a good example to follow, then set you’re own examples. It may not seem fair, but by doing this you will be learning and practicing the necessary and realistic tools you Will need as a functioning adult in society.
When it all comes down to it you need to be happy with your own behavior. Be beyond reproach. be polite.
Sometimes it feels like no one is listening, but you need to understand and realize that we are all human. We ALL have our flaws.
We all learn from one another. Try to set the mark/standard. You may be surprised at the outcome.
Family motto 4: Surround yourself with examples of people that you aspire to be.
First make sure that they are stable, and make sure they push you to be a better person. You want to move up, not down.
Jim Rohn, a business expert once said, “You’re The Average Of The Five People You Spend The Most Time With”.
This couldn’t be more true. Look around yourself. If you are surrounded by the baggage of others, or unmotivated individuals, or negative influences, then step back and reevaluate Who you spend your time with.
On a family system side, your family notices how your behavior is when you hang around bad influences; this could be the cause of tension within your home. By surrounding yourself with good people, you tend to be more pleasant to be around.
In summary, Families are hard. Every family has their dysfunctions. Sometimes you just need to stand back and look at what you have; and not what you don’t and always work to build on the positive and grow.
For more information and to get the help you need now, contact The Detox Center of Los Angeles for a free assessment of your symptoms as well as your insurance benefits and coverage. Give us a call today, 888-346-4350